Doctor NOT

I could have gone to Med School, but I didn't. It had nothing to do with my 2.7 highschool GPA or my inability to pass a science class of any kind beyond the 9th grade; it wasn't because I can't pay attention to anything for more than an hour, let alone eight years. Mostly, I didn't go to Med School because I'm a wimp.

I don't faint at the sight of blood (like my Dad, I understand) but I get really queasy if I have to witness an injury that requires anything more than a blob of Neosporin and a couple of bandaids. I do ok with my own kids when it's not too bad, but once I've turned over my First Responder duties to the next guy - husband, friend, medic, doctor - I'm a complete wreck. If they're seriously hurt, I tend to freak out way more than necessary and scare the crap out of them. Like when Jack flipped off his skateboard, hit the pavement face first, and broke his two front teeth off. He was fine until I actually looked at the teeth (he wouldn't take his hand off his mouth), at which point I screamed "OH MY GOD!" and nearly fainted. He wasn't crying until then.

These are indicators that I've chosen the right career path, I think. Or at least that I didn't definitely, absolutely, choose the wrong one. And today, I got a little unexpected confirmation:

Did anyone catch the segment on The Today Show this morning, about the live birth? (Let's not even ask why we are watching a live C-Section on my morning show. It's pretty much the only news I watch, and I really hope to gain some worldly info while I'm tuned in.) There they were, filming the birth of this baby, not on TLC, not on Lifetime, not even on the flippin' Surgery Channel, but right there, on Channel 5. And Dr. Nancy, the new Dr. Oz, is in the delivery room with the parents, and her commentary goes something like this:

" Ok, "Susie" is ready to go, her lower womb has been opened up and oh! there was a big squirt of amniotic fluid there! "

O.M.G! Stop it! Not only are they talking about squirting amniotic fluid, they're showing it to me! Oh please, please, please let it be time for Al and the weather, or even Willard with the birthday thing. Don't make me leave Matt for George.

I think childbirth is amazing and beautiful, don't get me wrong. And I get that we were just witnessing the Miracle of Life. But maybe a little heads-up would have been nice. Like: Warning, Non-Doctor Types! Blood and amniotic fluid up ahead! This would be a good time to go blowdry your hair!

A powdery little bambino, all wrapped up in a cute little blanket, would have been plenty a miracle for me.

PS. Wanna see Jack's teeth? Heads up....