The thing is, I spend waaaaaaaaay too much time on it, and not doing anything fun, either. I'm not blogging, or reading blogs, or shopping online or even reading and working on my web page tutorials. What I've spent most of my logged-on hours doing is looking for a job. And, for the record, I AM SICK OF IT.
I have to say right up front that I am very, very fortunate in that I'm not looking for a job because I'm about to lose my house, or I can't feed my kids. My heart and all my good energy go out to everyone who is in such a place. I just need a little extra cash to make the ends come together again, like they used to before we had a college student and three car payments and child support to pay and a kid who wants to play every sport known to man (and therefore requires registration fees and uniform costs up the wazoo.) Yes, I am so, so, so lucky that this is the only reason I need a job. Nonetheless, need, along with crazy, is relative.
So here I am, at my age, trying to navigate the job-seeking world with a pretty outdated computer, a really outdated resume and, more or less, no clear idea of what I want to be or do. Great starting point, don't you think?
I thought I was computer savvy. Evidently, I was comparing myself to my Grandpa (now deceased) who only knew how to do two things on the computer: open the email and hit "forward". I now know that, in regards to the new job hunting world, I'm not all that far ahead of him. I have no skilz whatsoever in roaming around Monster.com and all of its buddies. I am not interested in paying to become a Platinum Member of anything, which, according to the every-five-minute-pop-up-ads, is going to prevent me from EVER getting hired. If I had the money to pay for this service, I wouldn't need a freakin' job, would I?
I thought my resume was ok. I never thought it was great, but it was good. Was. Key word. My resume, I found out quickly, s.u.c.k.e.d. I think I've finally got it where it might, maybe, get me am interview someday, but I'm sure it's nowhere near the shining displays of all -things-high-tech that are coming out of colleges left, right and center.
I am not looking for full time work, nor am I looking for a "career". So networking among my friends and relatives isn't really an option. I mean, I'm not going to send out a mass email asking my high school alumn if they can match me up with a good clerical/administrative/data entry position, 20 or so hours a week. I'm not a top level exec with a ton to offer. My network is only so wide.
I realize, rather abruptly, that I am a player in an entirely new (and super unfair) game. It's not like the old days, when you looked through the want-ads in your jammies on a Sunday morning, a highlighter perched above the paper, waiting to circle all the perfect opportunities awaiting you. Today, most of the jobs in the category I'm seeking are coming through these big Job Match companies; companies are outsourcing their HR and probably saving a bundle. Well, good for them, I'm sure, but for little ole' stay home moms like me, looking for something to do during the school day that doesn't involve folding clothes, working with grease or operating heavy equipment, it's a stupid idea.
I would never say that in an interview. If I ever get one.
But I won't give up...remember, I'm not a quitter. I just feel really inept and old and confused, especially when I'm filling out the exact same information on the exact same form but for a different company, over and over again, and then STILL attaching my resume at the end, that says the EXACT SAME THING.
And yes, I go to bed tonight grateful for all the amazing blessings in my life, and my prayers are not for me but for those who are struggling to find important and necessary work.
Gotta keep it in perspective.