I have been waiting for a spark of inspiration for weeks - something that pulls me to the keyboard and forces me to spill the contents of my head or heart without effort. During that time, Matt has run away (ok, not really "away", it was just down the street) and come back, Jack has been suspended from the bus for bad behavior and I've met and fallen in love with Prozac, my new BFF. All that, and you'd think I'd have fodder for this blog every day, but no. I'll get to it eventually, maybe today, maybe not. Either way, hey there. I'm back. Hope you all had a terrific Christmas - or whatever you celebrate at this time of the year.
This morning, I logged onto my computer and remembered that I had been browsing iTunes yesterday, armed with my $15 gift card, in hopes of refreshing my cardio playlist and getting back into the gym. So I poured my coffee and signed in to purchase my new favorite song.
I'm not even a Disney Mom. My boys hate the Jonas Brothers. Every kid I know hates the Jonas Brothers. How I got hooked, I'm not sure, but I'm there. I'm as smitten with these boys as I ever was of the Bay City Rollers, back in the day. And apparently, I'm not afraid to admit it, because here's the thing: I'm a dork and everyone knows it. I think these guys rock.
So there I sat, downloading 7th grade gym dance tunes, singing along as if I knew the words, in my Victoria's Secret pajamas and $5 Walmart fuzzy slippers (I sacrifice where I can) on this rainy Monday morning. And for some reason, that's what brought me back here. The Jonas Brothers. Go figure.
Let's start with Prozac, since the word CRAZY is my theme. Wow. Where's this been all my life???? Of all the things that should be in the water, Kim, this is it. :) I have to say, my "psychiatrist", who isn't really a psychiatrist but who does have prescription writing license, I think, is kind of a whack himself. Thankfully, he's just going to be my meds manager, since my counselor can't write scripts. I don't have to actually share anything with him anymore. But he did figure out this combination of meds for me and I am eternally grateful. I was afraid at first, to move to the real stuff, as I call it. I always thought the Big P was for really, really crazy people; every time I heard the word, visions of Jack Nicholson in a straight jacket popped into my head. But I'm past that now, probably because I'm on it. Funny how that works. I don't stress much anymore, about anything.
On Halloween night, the night Matt decided to "run away", I was a mess. In these weeks since, as we have repaired our relationship and our family, I have come to realize quite clearly that much of our strife is a result of my inability to cope appropriately with crisis. More accurately, my ability to recognize crisis. I have MMD - Molehills to Mountains Disorder. I became an expert at making every tiny little thing unmanageable. Now, although I've heard that Prozac can take up to six months to reach it's full effectiveness, I am so much better. I think. I hope.
Me and the Jonas Brothers, moving forward.